ENCRYPTION LEVEL: NONE
I'm starting my new job at Gravitas today. I'm... well, I'm nervous.
It turns out they hired a bunch of new people - I guess they're expanding - and most of them are about my age, but I'm the only one that hasn't done my doctorate. They all call me "Mister" Kraus and it's the worst.
I have no idea where I'll find the time to do my PhD while working a full-time job.
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I screwed up so much today.
At one point I spaced on the formula for calculating the volume of a cone, they must have thought I was completely useless.
The only time I knew what I was doing was when I helped an older coworker figure out her dumb old email.
People say education isn't so important as long as you've got the skills, but there's things my colleagues know that I just don't. They're not mean about it or anything, it's just so frustrating. I feel dumb when I talk to them!
I bet they're gonna realize soon that I don't belong here, and then I'll be fired for sure. Man... I'm still paying off my student loans (WITH international fees), I can't lose this income.
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Dr. Sklodowska's been really nice and welcoming since I started working here. Sometimes she comes and sits with me in the cafeteria. The food she brings from home smells like old feet but she chats with me about what new research papers we're each reading and it's very kind.
She tells me the fact I got hired without a doctorate means I must be very smart, and management must see something in me.
I'm not sure I believe her but it's nice to hear something that counters little voice in my head anyway.
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It's been about a week and a half and I think I'm finally starting to settle in. I'm feeling a lot better about my position - some of the senior scientists have even started using my ideas in the lab.
Dr. Sklodowska might have been right, my anxiety was just growing pains. This is my first real job and I guess afraid to let myself believe I could really, actually do it, just in case it went wrong.
I think I want to buy Dr. Sklowdoska a digital reader for her books and papers as a thank-you one day, if I ever pay off my student loans.
ONCE I pay off my student loans.
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